The Turning Point !
The Turning Point !
I was 17. None in our family history had made it to the merit list of the Higher Secondary State Board examinations. I did ! It was a dream for our middle class family. Felicitations within family, friends and mom and dad’s work places, was a lifetime experience.
Just about when we all were settling down in this, then glorious feeling for us, my little brother was detected with bone cancer ! Hell broke loose for us ! I had faith that medical science had gone pretty ahead and my little brother, all of 14 years of age, would be treated and cured. But I had suddenly, unknowingly, started blaming myself, my success, for this unfortunate incident in our lives ! I didn’t want that rank in the merit list, I wanted to roll back the felicitations and wanted a normal result with a normal life ! Sorrow follows happiness, is what I had started believing.
We started the treatment. The tumour was in his left knee and hence his left leg had to be amputed, below the thigh. Bloody, I just wasn’t able to understand, why this was necessary and was the only one, saying no to the amputation. But my brother had been convinced by the doctors and he wanted the amputation too. I must have cried the most that day, in solace !
After the amputation, rounds of chemotherapy, radiations started off. He had to lose his hair, had become weak. I kept crying but took care that I was always looked positive whenever I had to look into my brother’s eyes. I again wanted to roll back all the happiness and this sorrow, and just wanted a normal life.
After a few months, his condition started improving. Mom n dad's committed efforts were coming to fruition. They were superbly managing home, hospital and professional lives; I had a working mom and was super proud of her always. Their savings had depleted. They borrowed with heavy heart, from friends, family and even our school. But all looked like worth the efforts !
We got him an artificial limb and I will never ever forget that delighted expression on his face when he first walked with the foot on, all by himself, without his crutches or walker, without our help ! Things had stated coming back to normal and he planned to give his 10th standard examination in October, 2001. Five or six of his closest friends were there by his side, always, and ready to help with his studies.
But, the cliché saying, “Man proposes and God disposes”, started becoming true for us. Unfortunately, the cancer had resurfaced and this time in his lungs. We were once again devastated. The chemotherapy, radiations, all started again with more rounds. But his condition started only depleting !
It was Ganapati festival. My brother was in a bad shape. We had Ganeshji in our house, just like every year and with the same enthusiasm, so that my brother remained happy. The day of Ganapati visarjan (the end of Ganesh festival) will be etched in our memories forever. We did the Ganesh visarjan and immediately admitted my little brother to the hospital, with that ambulance giving it’s emergency siren, throughout! That day he went to the hospital, never to come back. Four days after admission, he was no more. 31st August, 2001. My mother looked as strong as a pillar when she very bravely told us that his last words were “I will live” with a closed fist !
Our lives were shattered ! My dad kept weeping, as he was the one who was more emotional. My grandmother kept weeping that we lost “the son” of the house. That sentence of her’s, made me realise deep down somewhere, that now what? Who’ll take care of my parents once my elder sister and I are married off? Who will carry our family name ahead? Who will?
The questions just kept coming back to me! That’s when I decided that it’ll be me, who will now be “the son” of the house ! It’ll be me who’ll take care of my parents until am alive. It'll be me who’ll carry my family’s name ahead, at least until am alive ! This was the turning point in my life !! All the life decisions were based on my basic, proudly taken decision of being “the daughter”, you read it right, “the daughter” of the house ! Am sure, my little brother, will be equally proud, up there somewhere ! He's the one who’s giving me all the strength that I need for making though decisions in my life, until now and going ahead !
Love you beyond everything, my little brother! You are in my heart forever!
I was 17. None in our family history had made it to the merit list of the Higher Secondary State Board examinations. I did ! It was a dream for our middle class family. Felicitations within family, friends and mom and dad’s work places, was a lifetime experience.
Just about when we all were settling down in this, then glorious feeling for us, my little brother was detected with bone cancer ! Hell broke loose for us ! I had faith that medical science had gone pretty ahead and my little brother, all of 14 years of age, would be treated and cured. But I had suddenly, unknowingly, started blaming myself, my success, for this unfortunate incident in our lives ! I didn’t want that rank in the merit list, I wanted to roll back the felicitations and wanted a normal result with a normal life ! Sorrow follows happiness, is what I had started believing.
We started the treatment. The tumour was in his left knee and hence his left leg had to be amputed, below the thigh. Bloody, I just wasn’t able to understand, why this was necessary and was the only one, saying no to the amputation. But my brother had been convinced by the doctors and he wanted the amputation too. I must have cried the most that day, in solace !
After the amputation, rounds of chemotherapy, radiations started off. He had to lose his hair, had become weak. I kept crying but took care that I was always looked positive whenever I had to look into my brother’s eyes. I again wanted to roll back all the happiness and this sorrow, and just wanted a normal life.
After a few months, his condition started improving. Mom n dad's committed efforts were coming to fruition. They were superbly managing home, hospital and professional lives; I had a working mom and was super proud of her always. Their savings had depleted. They borrowed with heavy heart, from friends, family and even our school. But all looked like worth the efforts !
We got him an artificial limb and I will never ever forget that delighted expression on his face when he first walked with the foot on, all by himself, without his crutches or walker, without our help ! Things had stated coming back to normal and he planned to give his 10th standard examination in October, 2001. Five or six of his closest friends were there by his side, always, and ready to help with his studies.
But, the cliché saying, “Man proposes and God disposes”, started becoming true for us. Unfortunately, the cancer had resurfaced and this time in his lungs. We were once again devastated. The chemotherapy, radiations, all started again with more rounds. But his condition started only depleting !
It was Ganapati festival. My brother was in a bad shape. We had Ganeshji in our house, just like every year and with the same enthusiasm, so that my brother remained happy. The day of Ganapati visarjan (the end of Ganesh festival) will be etched in our memories forever. We did the Ganesh visarjan and immediately admitted my little brother to the hospital, with that ambulance giving it’s emergency siren, throughout! That day he went to the hospital, never to come back. Four days after admission, he was no more. 31st August, 2001. My mother looked as strong as a pillar when she very bravely told us that his last words were “I will live” with a closed fist !
Our lives were shattered ! My dad kept weeping, as he was the one who was more emotional. My grandmother kept weeping that we lost “the son” of the house. That sentence of her’s, made me realise deep down somewhere, that now what? Who’ll take care of my parents once my elder sister and I are married off? Who will carry our family name ahead? Who will?
The questions just kept coming back to me! That’s when I decided that it’ll be me, who will now be “the son” of the house ! It’ll be me who’ll take care of my parents until am alive. It'll be me who’ll carry my family’s name ahead, at least until am alive ! This was the turning point in my life !! All the life decisions were based on my basic, proudly taken decision of being “the daughter”, you read it right, “the daughter” of the house ! Am sure, my little brother, will be equally proud, up there somewhere ! He's the one who’s giving me all the strength that I need for making though decisions in my life, until now and going ahead !
Love you beyond everything, my little brother! You are in my heart forever!
I remember that day, and I remember how tough and composed you appeared. I really hoped you had the opportunity to just fall in someone's arms and cry your heart out. I also remember amidst all the grief that I felt, there was an element of sheer awe and respect. The world had collapsed around you, yet you stood there like a pillar - burning from within but strong enough to support the parents who had just lost their child. I realised then, that after all the grief had passed, your family would be all right with you around! I secretly envied you since I knew I would never be able to reach that state if I were to face similar circumstances. Proud of you, and stay strong always!
ReplyDeleteKK !!! You guys have been my strength !! 🤗🤗
DeleteI knew you were a strong person but today I realised its depth, how strong you actually are
ReplyDeleteAll of you, Shanu dada's closest of gang, has been of tremendous help in those times, especially I remember the blood donation that had been done by Yogesh, Prasad and all ! We are forever grateful to all of you too ! Love you all ! 😘
DeleteIt’s been around 20 years since then, but i can still feel the melancholy of that unfortunate event in your life. You are the strongest of us all. And this attitude of yours, towards life, has always given an inspiration to me. I also admire kaku as a strong woman who has a very optimistic attitude. Love you always! Keep shining!
ReplyDeleteI love you dear ! All of you, my closest school gang has been my strength throughout ! 😘
DeleteEmotions this strong are hard to put on paper and you have done it wonderfully Prachi. I remember 31 Aug too.It was a hard scene to watch. I can never forget it. Especially strong and determined face of kaku. You have always been amazing blast of energy since I was young..For what if it's worth, you have also become an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteThanks a ton dear ! You all have been witnessing our struggle back then and were always there to support us ! 😘
DeleteNo words just hats off to you and your family
ReplyDeleteThank you ! 🙂
DeleteLove you Prachi for the wonderful person you are...
ReplyDeleteThanks a ton dear ! Love you too ! 🤗
DeletePrachi.. I always admired you for being the strong woman that you are! As they say, you only emerge stronger from all the struggle you face! This piece made me cry.. looking forward to read more from you!
ReplyDeleteThanks a ton dear ! You rightly said it, you emerge stronger from your struggles ! 🤗
Delete